communication. community. cognition.
Archive for March, 2010
ABC: Always Be Cutting
Mar 11th
Network news is being outsourced, more than you knew.
Read here about how ABC News is “transforming” itself through cuts and reorganization. At least they didn’t call it “right-sizing.”
(And bear in mind that ABC News had a larger staff than NBC News and MSNBC combined…)
But how do you do the job with fewer people? You outsource.
Check out Good Morning America’s coverage of tornadoes and storms in Arkansas.
I apologize if the image isn’t clear, it’s not always easy to shoot an old-style curved television surface.
But just about everything you need to know about the future of network news is in this piece.
Particularly in the little white letters across the top.
The ones indicating the source of this interview.
Five years ago, this would have been inconceivable, that a television network would run video shot by a local newspaper.
But the key elements for this piece came from many sources outside of the ABC editorial umbrella.
So, what are your predictions for what is to come for network news?
Regression to the Mean
Mar 10th
It’s time for the return of the Demotivational Devotional.
(made with the Despair.com Do-It-Yourself De-Motivator)
Mount Everest is in Alaska
Mar 10th
(Another classic from the mcarp archives… the prophetic genius and brilliance are his;
the ones/zeros, pixels, pictures and subheads and pull-quotes are mine.)
“You mean it’s not in Wisconsin?â€
The phone rang, and an intern picked it up. She listened for a moment, then put her hand over the receiver and looked at me.
“Where is Mount Everest?” she asked.
What am I, the World Book? “Tell ‘em it’s in Wisconsin,” I replied.
“Nuh-uhhh,” a coworker interrupted. “Mount Everest is in Colorado.”
“Mount Everest isn’t in Colorado,” a third responded. “Pike’s Peak is in Colorado. Mount Everest is in Alaska.”
The intern turned back to me. “Where is it, really?”
Then I realized I didn’t know for sure which country it was in. So, I weaseled. “It’s in the Himalayas.”
“No, it’s not,” replied the coworker who had placed it in Alaska. “The Himalayas are in New York, and IÂ know Mount Everest isn’t in New York.”
(originally published by Michael Carpenter, republished with permission.)
Attribution is the Sincerest Form of Flattery
Mar 9th
…because Imitation isn’t cutting it anymore.
Look – I’ve written a lot of things online over the years. Enough to fill a book, if anyone were so interested. And I share it freely.
But maybe I shouldn’t anymore.
I have no problem with this, because Mark Burhop didn’t Imitate. He Attributed.
Let’s instead look at what I found today, on LifeHacker:
I only return messages left for me at 10 am, 2pm, and 4 pm. My phone’s ringer is turned off, and my cell phone sits in my purse. I call it my “Dr Pepper Rule,” because of the old 10-2-4 logo on the Dr. Pepper bottles.
That was an excerpt from another blog post – and you’ll note LifeHacker does an excellent job of attributing the origin of information and directing readers to the original.
My quibble is with how we define “original.”
Look at this post, from February 2010:
Time Management Tip: Returning Calls, Emails, and Text Messages on Your Schedule, Not Theirs
I’m offering up one of my greatest time savers here, today, just for you, Dear Reader. I only return messages left for me at 10 am, 2pm, and 4 pm. My phone’s ringer is turned off, and my cell phone sits in my purse. I call it my “Dr Pepper Rule,” because of the old 10-2-4 logo on the Dr. Pepper bottles. Remember those? (I still love me a Dr. Pepper, real not diet. Yum.)
Right off the bat, if you choose to do this, too, get ready for some backlash. There are those who will be annoyed, perhaps even offended, that you aren’t picking up your phone every time it rings, or jumping right on their text message or e-mail in reply. That’s okay, because this isn’t about them. It’s about you, and your schedule.
If you will, stop and compare it to this:
I wrote the above and published it on my site in August 2007. Many people read it and linked to it, and that is flattering. It drove a little traffic to my site, and that was nice.
Please note, that in more than three years of writing Occam’s RazR, I have not run a single ad. My ideas, as they are, are completely non-monetized.
So, bear with me if I have a little problem with people taking my ideas and repackaging them as their own. For all I know, the author I linked to above was inspired by a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of what I wrote. That could be the case with this one, as well.
That’s why Attribution is the new currency of Flattery. They are called Links for a reason. They bind ideas, and help trace the epidemiology of inspiration. The other plus to Attribution is when you are open in cataloging how and where you got an idea, then you have immediate immunity to claims of original authorship.
Yes, it feels good to see your ideas flourish.
No, it does not feel good to see your ideas generating money and reputation for other people.
Your suggestions are welcome.
This is Not a Psychotic Episode
Mar 5th
(A reminder… this is a reposting from the mcarp archives… the prophetic genius and brilliance are his, the ones/zeros and pixels are mine. And the pictures. Oh, and the subheads. I added those, just to help break up the page.)
“This is a cleansing moment of clarity.â€
— Howard Beale, “Network!†(1976)
Network!, in case you’ve never seen it, is the movie that gave us the expression, “I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”
The gist of the plot is that low-rated network anchorman Howard Beale suddenly comes unhinged before his TV audience, and as his apparent mental deterioration advances, his bosses and coworkers try to exploit it for ratings gain.
And for me, seeing Network! it was kind of like getting saved.
I had been a television reporter for less than a year, but I was already sensing something was not quite right about the way things were. I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it — and no one seemed to notice it but me.
So, naturally, I thought it was me. And so, for that matter, did everyone else. My ‘attitude problem’ was starting to get me into trouble.
And then, out of the clear blue, along comes Howard Beale with the explanation:
“You’re beginning to believe the illusions we’re spinning here. You’re beginning to think that the tube is reality and that your own lives are unreal.
“You do whatever the tube tells you. You dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube. You even think like the tube. This is mass madness. You maniacs.
“In God’s name, you people are the real thing! We are the illusion! So, turn off your television sets. Turn them off now. Turn them off right now. Turn them off and leave them off. Turn them off right in the middle of this sentence I am speaking to you now. Turn them off!”
When the lights came up at the end of the movie, there seemed to be about three of us in the theater who ‘got it.’
The others were looking at each other with quizzical stares: ‘What the hell was that about?’
But no matter. At least I knew at last I wasn’t alone.
Up the Rabbit Hole
Beale’s rants made perfect sense to me. He was the first person in the business, real or unreal (as if in television news, there were a difference), who did make sense to me — the first person who saw it the way I saw it.
There was a hitch, though: Howard Beale was going crazy.
“I am imbued, Max. I am imbued with some special spirit. It’s not a religious feeling at all. It is a shocking eruption of great electrical energy. I feel vivid and flashing as if suddenly I had been plugged into some great electro-magnetic field.
“I feel connected to all living things, to flowers, birds, to all the animals of the world and even to some great unseen living force, what I think the Hindus call prana.
“It is not a breakdown. I have never felt more orderly in my life! It is a shattering and beautiful sensation! It is the exalted flow of the space-time continuum, save that it is spaceless and timeless and of such loveliness! I feel on the verge of some great ultimate truth. And you will not take me off the air for now or for any other spaceless time!”
Yeah, that’s crazy, all right. Or is it?
I don’t know what author Paddy Chayefsky wanted us to think when he put those words in Beale’s mouth.
But personally, I don’t think Howard Beale was going crazy; I think he was going sane.
He said it himself: “I just ran out of bullshit.”
Psychiatrist David Viscott, in his self-help bestseller Emotional Resilience, wrote about real-life cases not unlike Beale’s:
“Eventually, there comes a day of awakening and reckoning. Your epiphany is both inevitable and totally unexpected.
“In the moment of your illumination, you finally see yourself as you are and are forced to surrender to the truth lest your false illusions forever obscure your best self.
“Until you reach such a day, you often live a self-deceptive way of life. You try to convince yourself that what you have chosen is what you really want.”
I do know exactly how that feels. I’ve been there myself.
Inside the Looking Glass
Ever see one of those promos where the news anchor dashes to the News ActionCopter — off, presumably, to cover The Big Story?
But as soon as he gets in the copter, they turn off the camera. He climbs back out and returns to his office. The pilot shuts down the engine, and the rotors coast to a stop. There is no ‘Big Story.’ It’s just a promo — an ad that pretends the anchor is taking off to chase down the news. (One of my favorites is one in which the anchor jumps into the copter, looks at the pilot and dramatically points at the sky. Like, where the hell else are they going to go?)
The purpose of these ads is to persuade viewers that anchors are out there every day, in dramatic hot pursuit of the news. Even if they aren’t.
Or the promo where the anchor and some anonymous behind-the-scenes staffer look at a script together? The anchor points to some word on the script, gesturing as broadly as a vaudeville performer so you’ll be sure to notice. Then they look at each other, nod, and dart off in opposite directions.
At one station in New York, they hired actors to play the newsroom staff, because the real producers and editors weren’t as glamorous as the station wanted viewers to think they were.
That scene in Broadcast News — in which news producer Holly Hunter feeds interview questions through a headset to affable but dimwitted anchorman William Hurt — is a lot closer to reality.
But I’m not telling you anything you haven’t figured out for yourself: TV news is, for the most part, just an ongoing advertisement for itself. An entertainment program, loosely based on the day’s events.
That ‘News ActionCenter’ is no more real than the bridge of the Starship Enterprise. That’s why they call it a newsset.
Row upon row of monitors cover the walls, but many are just transparencies in cardboard cutouts. Fake.
A sweeping vista of the city skyline ties it all together, supported by pillars of impossibly blue plastic marble or stapled-on brushed aluminum. Fake.
If you could go in the studio, and walk behind the backdrops, you’d see that it’s all just laminated plywood and painted two-by-fours, with extension cords and power strips scattered everywhere. Fake.
The spontaneous question and answer session between anchor and reporter at the end of a live shot? Scripted. Fake.
A reporter walks down the road, talking to the camera and sometimes pausing reflectively, as if looking for a word. Where is he walking to? Nowhere. It’s fake. What’s the word he’s looking for? The one he memorized, along with the pause. That’s fake, too.
You would assume, I suppose, that there is some ‘jumping off point’ at which TV news leaves behind the fakery and melodrama for reality. I think there was, at one time. But eventually, I got to where I couldn’t find it.
“You’re beginning to believe the illusions we’re spinning here. You’re beginning to think that the tube is reality and that your own lives are unreal.”
The Awakening
And I told myself for years that the phoniness and fakery and false sincerity and exaggerated drama were just part of the cost of doing business. The other guys were doing it, too, and doing it more flagrantly than we were. We had to stay competitive. But somewhere in the back of my mind, it kept nagging at me.
I knew it was crap to say ‘reports are coming in at this hour,’ when the ‘reports’ had come in the form of a single anonymous, unverified telephone tip, or a snatch of a conversation picked up off a police scanner.
I knew it was misleading to hyperbolize every trivial complaint or allegation with adjectives like ‘shocking,’ ‘outraged,’ and ‘dramatic.’ (It also meant that when really serious stories came along, we had no words left to adequately describe them. We’d used them all up overstating fender bender car wrecks, broken tree branches, kids getting into fistfights at school, shoplifted cigarettes, and the like.)
I knew it was ridiculous to dress up in heavy parka, scarf, earmuffs and wool hat in 55-degree weather and stand on the side of a central Oklahoma highway and talk about the ‘scary road conditions’ that were ‘paralyzing traffic’ — in Amarillo, Texas.
There was a newscaster in my home town who, according to local reports, briefly became a house painter after his career publicly and spectacularly flamed out.
And when I first heard that, I thought, ‘Wow. What a way end up.’
In retrospect, it seems like not such a bad thing at all.
The paint, after all, is real. The brush is real. The house is real. If you paint houses, you actually paint houses. You don’t apply a few strokes for a camera, then leave while an assistant finishes up, and a promotion team crafts an advertisement describing what a caring and conscientious painter you are.
In fact, I considered becoming a maintenance man at an apartment complex for much the same reason. I had opportunities to do other things (and as it turned out, I took one), but the idea of doing simple, honest work that really was what it appeared to be was appealing after 25 years of often pretending to be doing something I wasn’t, and creating carefully-worded portrayals of a world that really didn’t exist.
And I would like to think that, even though he was a fictional character, Howard Beale eventually had to confront the same reality — that he had been living in a dramatic, exciting, but basically unreal world, and had been trying to fool people into believing that his false world, and not their own, was real.
“In God’s name, you people are the real thing.
“We are the illusion.
“So turn off your television sets. Turn them off now. Turn them off right now.
“Turn them off and leave them off. Turn them off right in the middle of this sentence I am speaking to you now.
“Turn them off!”
I turned off my television in February of 1999, and it hasn’t been on since.
(originally published by Michael Carpenter, republished with permission.)
The Biggest Loser
Mar 4th
I know the Biggest Loser in game show history. He’s my friend, Pete.
Mind you, I am talking single-day loser here. It took Ken Jennings 76 appearances to top the $3-million mark, so his Jeopardy victims don’t count.
Pete was on the Wheel of Fortune episode where a woman won the first million-dollar jackpot. Pete finished third, which by all accounts makes him the Biggest Loser in game show history.
Odds are, you won’t be able to find anything about Pete online, because losers are seldom remembered. And the ones that do get remembered had to do a whole lot of winning to get there. The Buffalo Bills lost four straight Super Bowls. Dewey didn’t defeat Truman, but he had to beat out other losers (that you can’t name without Google) just to be nominated. Unless you’re really engaged, you don’t remember the losers.
But they were in the game. Pete – despite hitting Bankrupt on two of the four chances he had to spin the wheel – walked away with more money that day than I did for not playing. He’s also got a great consolation prize, the awesome-sounding title of “Biggest Loser in Game Show History.”
All I am is a phone-a-friend, and that didn’t get me squat.
Even the losers have better stories than those who never played.
It’s not talent you lack, but ambition
Mar 2nd
(More old-school wisdom from the mcarp archives…)
Why don’t you make something arrogant and superficial of yourself?
I came back from a story one day to find the fortune from a Chinese cookie stuck to my computer terminal screen.
“It is not talent you lack,” the slip of paper said, “but ambition.”
Some free character analysis, courtesy of one of my coworkers. Who knows what the purpose was?
I left it taped to my screen for months, though. Because frankly, I thought it was true.
Obviously, something was wrong with me. Why had I willingly stayed in the same medium-market job for 15 years, instead of carpet-bombing top-10 stations with resume tapes? Why was I driving an old Cutlass, instead of a BMW or leather-upholstered Suburban? Why was I still wearing glasses, instead of having laser eye surgery?
Why did I not care whether I had the lead story, or whether I was officially designated a ‘high-profile’ reporter? Why was I not lobbying for longer standups, and more live shot ‘face time’?
Why was I not living in a so-called ‘select neighborhood’? Or playing golf with chamber of commerce officials or Republican party leaders?
It seemed reasonable to me at the time that if I’d had any ambition, I would have been doing at least some of those things, like everyone else I knew.
That Carp. Smart guy, but what a slacker.
It took me a long time to understand that I did not lack my own ambition — I lacked other people’s ambition. And it frustrated them that I was chasing my own goals, instead of theirs. And I became frustrated whenever I fell into the trap of letting others decide for me what I should want.
Maybe I set my own bar fairly low. It was never important to me to be seen as a celebrity. I didn’t enjoy signing autographs, or making personal appearances. Why should someone want my autograph? The service I provided — reading aloud news stories they could have gotten just as easily from the paper — was no more valuable than, say, changing the oil in their cars. But they didn’t ask the FastLube guy for his autograph.
I liked my home town. It felt familiar and comfortable. We had moved frequently during my childhood, and it was important to me to have a sense of belonging somewhere. I saw no reason to live anywhere else. I travelled a lot as a reporter, and saw only one or two places I liked better than where I was.
I could not bring myself to genuinely care about most of the trappings of my (other) brilliant career. I tried. For a few years, I had myself sold on it — and I was as close to the perfect, Volvo-driving, Italian suit-wearing, Cole Haan-shod Stepford anchor as I could make myself.
But I couldn’t make it last, and more importantly, I couldn’t make it convincing. I was like one of those people in “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” trying to pass for a ‘pod person’ without actually being one.
Whoever put that cookie fortune on my computer probably thinks I’m a complete failure now. I live alone, in a quiet place, and spend a lot of my time thinking and writing. I’m still driving the beat-up Cutlass. The Cole-Haans and Italian suits are still in the closet, but I wear running shoes and jeans every day. I haven’t worn a tie since December of 1998.
I don’t get everything I want from life. No one does, I suppose. But I decide for myself what I want, and I don’t let others make the decision for me.








