Words of Mouth

Posted on September 8, 2010 Written by 7 Comments
dental tools

I got my teeth cleaned today.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Don’t worry, I won’t gross you out. There was no evidence of any major dental issues. I did have a little bit more plaque than normal, which I attribute to a change in toothpaste to a gel that doesn’t leave me feeling fresh. Also, there were a couple of spots where I had some abrasion, but nothing too serious. No additional pits or pains, and I’ll be back in six months for some annual x-rays.

Still, that was probably more detail than you wanted.

I talked with Lisa, my long-time hygienist. We were joking about the fact that the Alice In Chains song coming across the Muzak was out before some of the staff could even write their names – and that the songs now on Oldies formats are better than the crap they call music these days… [Read more...]

Filed Under: Language Tagged: , , , ,

Dancing With Myself

Posted on September 3, 2010 Written by
dancing

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Mirror, Mirror, on the wall; Who’s the sharingest of them all? Let’s play a little game. I’ll describe an object, and you tell me what it is.

  • It has feathers
  • It is yellow
  • It has a beak
  • It has webbed feet
  • It’s cute
  • It’s not fully grown
  • It cannot yet fly

What would you say it is? [Read more...]

Filed Under: Communication Tagged: , , , , ,

The Greatest Pickup Line Ever

Posted on March 16, 2010 Written by 13 Comments

This is from the archive at my old blog. But it’s still relevant.

“You never get a second chance to make a first impression.”

Boy, we all sweat over that one, don’t we? To know that a potential lifetime relationship, be it personal or business, swings in the balance of a single encounter. It’s enough to make you sick. Some people do get sick, as a matter of fact. It’s not necessary, though, if you understand the science of first impressions, and the most important part: Some might call it “The Icebreaker,” but essentially we’re talking about a pick-up line.

Whatever your application — phone scripts — sales pitches — some are designed to win another over, some to get your foot in the door. Some are milked to death, and some are cheesy. You’ve probably seen a list or two of the worst ones in your e-mail. We all know what makes them bad, but don’t always recognize what makes them good.

With that in mind, let me tell you about “the best pick-up line ever“:

Rail Genius

It was the summer of 1984, and I had just turned 15 years old. We’d been in Alabama for a year, and I was still making adjustments. I guess that’s why my parents let me take the trip back to Idaho to see my old friends. I couldn’t drive, but I snagged enough money doing odd jobs that I could pay for the trip: Amtrak, all the way. (Remember, this was 1984, and I had shown signs of being responsible.)

The trip would take three-and-a-half days each way, and I was to spend two weeks visiting in between. As eager as I was to get there, I was just as eager to relax and enjoy the countryside.

Till it all got flat.

Then I went back to my books.

Along the way, though, I started admiring some of the sights inside the train. You meet all kinds of people in coach — All kinds: Overburdened moms, with screaming kids. Grandparents, with nothing but time. Wedding guests, funeral parties, and angels.

Angel’s Among Us

Oh yeah — Angel. That was her name (although I didn’t know it yet.) She was a glorious sight to behold inside that train. She looked to be about 19, with medium-length blonde hair, a healthy tan, and a smile that could melt titanium. It was all I could do to keep from drooling. And it was all she could do to keep this other guy from drooling on her!!!

If Angel truly was an angel, then this guy was be-deviling her. Or at least trying to tempt her. He was in his early-to-mid thirties, rather unkempt, and had the kind of body that was just an NFL season or two away from landing him in the Bud Bowl Hall of Fame. Not quite a beer gut, but a promising start. She really wasn’t interested in “Bud.” But he sure was interested in getting her to follow him back to the bar car. She was in the window seat, and he was in the aisle seat, boxing her in.

I would have given anything just to talk to this girl, but I didn’t stand a chance with “Bud” in the way. I needed the perfect line.

I marched up to the seat in front of his, squared my shoulders, took a deep breath — and stomped like Rumplestiltskin while uttering the greatest icebreaker in the history of interpersonal relationships:

“Dad wants to see you in the sleeper car right now!!!”

(You would think there should have been trumpets or something, maybe a cascade of balloons and confetti, or a trip to Disney World — but I digress.)

Angel looked up at me, and her perfect eyes flashed a perfect mix of some perfectly raw emotions. Shock. Confusion. Abject Terror. She looked at me like I had been smoking crack (another stunning accomplishment, considering that crack was another five years away from being patented.)

She stared at me for an eternity, or one second, whichever one was shorter.

She turned and looked at Bud.

She shot a quick glance at me, turned back to Bud, and said “I gotta go.”

We walked the length of the train before sitting down next to each other in coach. I shook her hand and said “My name’s Isaac.”

Angel turned out to be a sweet person. We sat on that train and talked for hours. As far as I was concerned, I SCORED! (What did you expect? I was fifteen, she was nineteen, and we were sitting in coach!)

Lessons Learned

Little did I know it, but I had stumbled on a formula that replaces the guesswork of “breaking the ice” with pure science.

1) Recognize a need
This was clearly a damsel in distress. She wanted a way out of the situation.

2) Propose a solution
I gave her an alternative (me) that was better than the one she had (Bud)

3) Make it relevant to your shared reality
“Wow, look at those cows whiz by!” “Have you been to the caboose?” or even “Can I get you anything?” would have been completely useless. Only one thing mattered to her at that point. My hopes and needs weren’t going to get satisfied until hers were.

4) Make it timely
If a line works more than once, then it is just a line. If it only works on that one occasion, then the other person will know that you are truly communicating with them, and not seeing them as a means to an end.

Not every pick-up line or icebreaker will follow these rules, but it has been my experience that the most effective ones do. They don’t have to be offbeat, and they don’t even have to be memorable. They must, however, open a channel to the other person by sending an important signal: We can interact in a way that will benefit us both.

The best icebreakers are developed in an instant. The attitudes of recognizing another’s needs, being open-minded, and losing your fear of embarrassment are developed over a long period of time. Work on those things, and the memorable icebreakers will flow right from you.

(Angel — if you’re out there somewhere — you’re welcome. Just wanted to let you know I got something out of it too.)

Filed Under: Marketing Tagged:

The 90-Trick Pony

Posted on May 26, 2008 Written by 11 Comments
ponyride

Back in my teevee and radio days, I worked with some amazing people. Many are still contributing to the business, and everyone had something important to share. Some of those lessons, however, were by negative example.

We’ll call him Carl. Carl was a journeyman, bouncing from station to station in town. He was well-respected on the air, with a decent reputation for hard work. To his detriment, he had a short fuse and an even shorter tolerance for seeing things done “the wrong way.” This wasn’t the lesson I learned from Carl.

Carl was an instant charmer. He was glib, and some of the funniest things I had ever heard came out of his mouth. I wish I could remember some of the examples, as the phrases and humor would just flow with no effort.

The Turning Point

After about three months or so, I started to learn Carl’s secret. After you spend a significant period of time with a person, you start running across some of the same triggers. And wouldn’t you know it, those same glib turns of phrase would come spilling out of Carl’s mouth. Just like Pavlov ringing a bell, here came the catchphrase.

In the sitcom world, a catchphrase needs to be hammered home every week for it to permeate the culture enough that you’ll want to buy the t-shirt. In real life, catchphrases are inside-jokes at best, divisive at worst, and annoying to most everyone. It’s one thing when a violent hit in the football game results in six guys yelling “Blammo!” It’s another to be known as Blammo Guy in the mall.

Carl wasn’t as obvious as the Blammo Guy, because it took a while to experience all his triggers. Yet after a while, he was just as predictable. And not as funny or charming.

The Ninety-Trick Pony

It took me a long time to verbalize the concept of the 90-Trick Pony, but the notion has been a touchstone for me for years. And it took me even longer to understand why Carl was that way. He wasn’t stupid, nor was he shallow. For a long time, I thought it was a manifestation of insecurity, and it probably is to some degree. But now I know that Carl’s biggest problem was over-programming. He patterned himself into a rut.

When you’re a disk jockey, you have to multi-task constantly in a very unforgiving environment. For every Howard Stern who gets paid millions just to talk, there are tens of thousands who have to talk while punching buttons. In Carl’s day, it was punching buttons, swapping stacks of carts, spooling reels, and taking phone calls. And in Carl’s day, the equipment was never your friend.

Carl figured out that he could “program” himself with some fairly lengthy witticisms, and run his mouth on autopilot while briefly turning his attention elsewhere. I don’t think Carl ever discovered what he had done, and I’m not sure he was conscious of it. Half the time, I don’t think he remembered which of his catchphrases he’d just used.

Communication Ruts

Maybe you know a Carl in your life. Maybe you secretly are a “Carl,” with your own subconscious patterns that once served you well but now drag you down. We all have a little Carl in us — the part that wants to be accepted, and knows that killer line will kick us up a notch in the approval rankings. Unless, of course, everyone has heard all 90 of your Tricks and sentences you to the Pony Stable.

Carl’s biggest sin was that he merged his on-air persona with his personality. His routine became a rut that got in the way of face-to-face communication. Don’t get me wrong, he could function very well and was capable of delightful conversations. But every so often, someone would hit a trigger, and out would spill the catchphrase. It made you wonder how often he lived there in the moment with you, and just how often his brain was drifting elsewhere.

What Carl Got Right

Real communication is about making a connection. It’s about listening, talking, and remembering. It’s rather ironic, but Carl is the one who taught me the secret of connecting over the air: whether you’re broadcasting to ten or ten-million, you’re talking to one at a time. This is the part Carl got right, and it’s the piece that I hope I’ve carried over into the online realm. You don’t “talk to an audience.” You connect with people.

Now, go back and look at your online trail. See if there are any patterns you’ve relied upon too much, and change your routine before it becomes entrenched. After all, ponies that learn no new tricks stay in their ruts, running circles forever.

Filed Under: Communication, Personal Tagged: ,