I previously spilled the beans about the 2008 rollout of the Apple iWife. Now, I’ve unearthed the top-secret details of a coming breakthrough in Digital Video Recorder technology.
The new TiVO/CPB will be the new “killer app” of 2009. I say “killer app” and not “killer device” because this optional firmware upgrade will automatically enhance TiVO’s capturing of free programming.
Under the oppressive policies of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, the very best shows on the Public TV schedule get clustered around Pledge Week. The documentaries and concerts that you really want are mercilessly chopped up and despoiled with smiling academics and hippies who want to sell you an overpriced tote bag with a station logo on it. To make matters worse, the extended beggary segments throw the timing out of whack, such that nothing starts on the hour or half-hour as God Almighty clearly intended.
The CPB Upgrade (retail: $129) does away with the annoying pledge segments altogether. Complex video encoding algorithms monitor the show for the following:
- ringing phones
- bright teeth
- monotone delivery
- boredom
- close-up pictures of coffee mugs
If the above reach critical mass, the onboard drive deletes the segment completely, restoring the show. Additionally, a countdown timer keeps up with the real running time of the program, to avoid missing the actual start time of the next one.
TiVO executives expect to market the device heavily in cities such as Boston, San Francisco, and Pittsburgh – where public television still remains somewhat relevant. For now.
[tags]Ike Pigott, Occam’s RazR, parody, TiVO, public television[/tags]
