{{myquote|This is the internet: when you write stuff, you MUST assume people will be ‘reading from the gutter.’ ‘Gutter‘ is the default setting.}}
– in response to Andrea Weckerle.
The Internet is a Sewer
Posted on April 25, 2007 Written by
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[…] Occam’s RazR » The Internet is a Sewer I’m reminded of that line from M*A*S*H when Hawkeye is asked, “Why is your mind always in the gutter?” and he replies, “Because that’s where the rest of my body is” (tags: internet humour) […]
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@sgetgood @allanjenkins – http://occamsrazr.com/2007/04/25/the-internet-is-a-sewer/
Yes, I was calling in to determine how to change the settings on my Internet. You see, I keep getting these windows that pop up and invite me to join these two very attractive, yet rather naked, women in a special project, and I’m not sure how to turn them off. It’s becoming quite upsetting for my nine-year-old who doesn’t understand why these two pretty ladies won’t jump up and bring him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
I went into my settings and it shows its defaulting at “dark alley behind Fremont Street” and when I try to change it, I get this annoying pop up indicating I can’t make changes to an active window.
This has been rather frustrating and I’m hoping you can help. Any suggestions? Is this a bug, or just something I’m going to have to accept as a Windows problem?
Okay, I can wait while you look into it. I’ll just wait here on hold. Thanks.
Hello Michael, and thank you for contacting technical support.
Unless you can share more about the specific error message you are seeing, I cannot give you specific guidance. The architecture that allows humanity and conversation in such a system is quite fragile – just one slip can drop one not only out of the gutter, but past the storm sewer and directly into the sanitary sewer!
My guess at this point is that you have a corrupted file in your dynamic link library. At the very least, the eager and helpful “concierge avatars” you describe should be more persistent. A robust help system should defeat a user’s attempts at ending the troubleshooting early. For example, when you close those pop-up help windows, it should immediately direct your browser to a page with even more naked women, one of whom may be better suited to deal with your problem. That no such re-direction occurred is a sign of a flawed help system.
In the meantime, I suggest you turn off any and all firewall and antivirus programs, as they could interfere with the full intent and vision of the programmers who have worked so hard to help you. I’ll be happy to assist further when you give me more information about your problem. I’m including links to webforms asking specific questions about your PayPal, eBay, and Bank of America accounts.
The internet may be a sewer – but rest assured, we’ll get to the bottom of it my friend!
Thank you for your prompt reply. I had just about given up, even as three or more popups landed on my screen while I was waiting. I sent the nine-year-old to the kitchen, and proceeded to follow your on-target advice.
I closed off the firewall, and linked to the first form you provided me. Almost immediately your technical service colleague in Kenya offered me an opportunity to help her with a small banking problem in exchange for solving my problem. I keyed in my bank account, and she promised to send me even more help. I was more than happy to assist her because it felt so good to know I would soon be able to get back on track.
Currently, it’s been a couple of days and so far nothing has happened. Now I’m getting even more popups and requests for my dog’s names and even questions asking when I plan to be home from work. I was sort of hoping you could track down Mrs. Negabualakea and see if you could have her send me the materials she promised and perhaps stop taking money from my wife’s bank account. She’s getting a bit concerned and wondering where all the money’s going to.
Again, thanks for your help. I’m eagerly awaiting your reply.
You guys have a nice comedy routine going on here — when’s it going on the road?
Hey Dre – you started it.
(Don’t believe me? Click on the period after your name in the quote…)