War of Words

Our Bible study on Wednesday night started with a question:

What’s the difference between happiness and joy?

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I thought I knew, but didn’t really. I had my own ideas, but was curious to know how others stacked them up. So, being the diligent linguist, I posted the same question to my Twitter and Facebook.

What I discovered shouldn’t be a shock, but it is instructive.

The Little Things

There’s no doubt that we are pleased by both, being happy, and being joyous. But when it comes to the little nuances, we’re in real trouble.

I did get some deep responses:

…and some fun responses:

(Don’t dismiss Liz — she’s essentially saying they’re functional equivalents.)

And I got a LOT of feedback from Facebook.

What it boiled down to was this:

• The difference is a matter of duration
• The difference is a matter of the source (internal/external)
• The difference is a matter of intensity
• The difference is a matter of intent

Each of the above “lines of definition” had more than one proponent… and in each case, there wasn’t agreement.

“Happiness lasts longer! No, wait, Joy does!”

“Joy is internal! No it’s not, Happiness is internal!”

No Joy in Muddleville

We seem to have a case where people realize the need for a different word, but don’t agree on what that difference is. And that happens a lot more often than you’d think.

I made a point of asking very early in the class what definitions we were going to stick with, because in the context of our lesson you could get into some pretty heated arguments about Joy and Happiness. People who in reality agree on a principle instead can get bogged down in arguments about each other’s character, upbringing and intelligence. (Even outside of Bible class.)

How does this happen?

Are we just lazy when it comes to the small matters? Did we just get lazy about the details?

It’s becoming more prevalent, and you see it even more in the online world. It’s a lot easier to be nasty to someone you don’t have to look at face-to-face. It’s also harder to parse the non-verbal nuances of communication, the winks and nods and inflections that are cues to additional understanding.

Most — and I do mean most — internet arguments would be settled if the participants agreed to the terms and what they meant.

Most — and I do mean most — contract torts could be avoided if the parties had to read the terms aloud before signing, and indicate they had a common understanding of the words on the page.

Most — and I do mean most — relationships could be improved by taking a step back from the budding argument, and asking some very simple questions. Like, do we want to be happy, or joyous? And which one is which?