iPhoneThe Apple marketing machine is in the final week of a fever pitch. (Ordinarily, a phrase like “fever pitch” is just lazy cliché, but in this case it fits. Marketing does involve “a pitch,” the product is considered “hot,” and the collective drooling of the tech press accounts for “dehydration,” if not outright “illness.”)

Already, the mainstream media is heralding the arrival of a single device that replaces a cellphone, a Blackberry, and an iPod. Lost amid this excitement are several lesser-known features of the iPhone:

  1. Removes duplicates from address book
  2. E-mails daily call log to your account
  3. Universal remote control
  4. Voice-to-text recorder
  5. Wii-mote Wii-placement
  6. Stores passwords in Cyrillic
  7. Removes crabgrass from your lawn
  8. Performs minor outpatient surgery
  9. Emergency corkscrew, complete with suggestions from iSommelier
  10. SPF-50
  11. Saves your eternal soul (compatible with some Western religions; check with your carrier; some restrictions apply; see store for details)

If you “discover” any others, leave them in the comments below…
[tags]Ike Pigott, Occam’s RazR, Apple, iPhone, parody, humor[/tags]